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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29048871">Weed Beneath my Wings</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox'>anarchycox</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Executive and the Sandwich Man [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Banter, Gen, Getting high, Healing, Parental Trauma, Relationship Discussions, Sass, Uther Pendragon's A+ Parenting (Merlin), established arthur/gwaine, established merlin/lancelot, it is about platonic soulmates arthur and merlin, love for bread, the romantic relationships are background in this fic, time skip forward</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:34:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,303</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29048871</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Uther gets convincted and is going to jail. Arthur has problems coping with this fact. Merlin presents the excellent idea of dealing with emotions via weed. Conversations, dealing with past trauma, Gauis the weed guy, and a great deal of bread happen in this fic. And Arthur eternally realizes his dad might be crap, but he is very very loved.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin &amp; Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Executive and the Sandwich Man [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2076213</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Weed Beneath my Wings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is about an 18 month skip ahead in this universe.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arthur sat at his desk, and stared at his phone. The words were swimming around on his screen and he blinked. A few more blinks, and they stayed steady. “He was convicted.” Arthur looked up. “Merlin, he was convicted.”</p>
<p>“Who?” Merlin was reading a report for a deal later this week, and going at it with rather a lot of ink. “Eduardo? He didn’t kill Zelina, it will get over turned.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Merlin looked up. “That telenova I told you about.”</p>
<p>Arthur smiled, “One, two, three -” He started to count to release his anger as Merlin regularly suggested he do. He reached 64, and wasn’t particularly calmer he gave up. “You’re fired.”</p>
<p>“For thinking Eduardo is innocent? Are you a Miguel stan?”</p>
<p>“For not realizing that I meant my father was just convicted on three counts of insider trading!” Arthur was shouting by the end. “And some laundering as well.”</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>“Oh, indeed. Pack your things and go,” Arthur pointed at the door and was surprised when Merlin stood. He then found himself in a hug, and yes that made more sense than Merlin actually leaving. He didn’t hug back though. Arthur just let the hug happen. “He was actually found guilty.”</p>
<p>“Uh, Arthur? He was guilty as fuck. Like he absolutely did it, and honestly if he was only found guilty on three charges? He is getting away with murder. Which I am sorry, I do think he has hired out at some point.” </p>
<p>“Not the right sort of comfort, Merlin,” Arthur said and the hug grew a bit tighter. They stood like that, Merlin hugging him, Arthur letting it happen. His phone vibrated on the desk. He reached back for it since it seemed like Merlin wasn’t going to let go. He held it up. “six years, parole eligible after two.” He dropped the phone after the string of champagne popping emojis appeared.</p>
<p>Morgana had been at the trial every single day, relishing Uther’s fall from power. Arthur had not been there at all, and yes it was commented on in the news, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t sit there and watch his father be small. Not when he had been the one to make him small. He gasped, “I’ve put my father in jail.” </p>
<p>It started to be difficult to breathe, his black suit that was perfectly cut was too small, the smell of Merlin’s aftershave too cloying. “When did you start wearing aftershave, it is gross.”</p>
<p>“I use unscented all natural, ethically sourced -”</p>
<p>“Shut UP!” Arthur roared and pushed him away. Merlin stumbled back, and held up his hands in peace. “I -” Arthur shook his head. “I can’t?” He didn’t know what he couldn’t.</p>
<p>“I’ll call Gwaine.”</p>
<p>“No,” Arthur said sharply. He looked down at his wedding band. He formed a fist to feel the metal more, to let it dig in, ground him a bit. “He had that thing he was catering today.”</p>
<p>“He’d drop it in a second for you,” Merlin replied, “He would do anything for you.”</p>
<p>“I know that,” Arthur glanced at his desk. He remembered then he didn’t have any photos of Gwaine or them out. Because work was work, and it didn’t get them. That was private. Just his. “We can’t, this is important for their business.”</p>
<p>“You are important for his life.”</p>
<p>“Work, we were working, and we’ll keep working.” Arthur nodded. That was a reasonable response. The only response.</p>
<p>It is what he father would want him to do. The company came first.</p>
<p>“I’m not sure that is emotionally healthy, Arthur,” Merlin said.</p>
<p>“Find a way to make sure they have to pay their workers a living wage,” Arthur said as he gestured at the contract. He sat back down at his desk and looked at the papers. For a moment he couldn’t remember how to read, then the words all moved about for a bit, but then everything snapped into place. They worked steadily, Arthur occasionally taking a break to wipe away his tears, and twice to throw up in his rubbish bin. “Merlin, can you put that…somewhere?”</p>
<p>“I’ll take care of it,” Merlin said and took it away. He was gone for a few minutes. He came back with tea. “Here, for you.”</p>
<p>“You always say it isn’t your job to fetch tea.” Arthur looked at the cup. “What do I do with it?” He couldn’t remember if he even drank tea. “Do I like it?” Did he?</p>
<p>“Sorry, calling Gwaine.”</p>
<p>“No,” Arthur begged, “he matters. More than this minor mental breakdown I am having. I just, Merlin please, don’t?” He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. “Merlin, how do I not think for a bit? I need to not think for a bit.”</p>
<p>“I mean, work wasn’t working. What else do you do to not think?”</p>
<p>“Work out? Fuck?” Working out would do little and Gwaine was busy. “I guess get drunk?” The last time drunk was his bachelor party, and before that university. He was already throwing up so that didn’t seem like the best idea.</p>
<p>“I know what you need, but you have got to trust me and not freak out.”</p>
<p>Arthur took a step back, “Merlin I’m married, I’m not having a three way with you and Lancelot, even if I have had that one dream.”</p>
<p>“You dream about me?”</p>
<p>“Constantly, but mostly it is you screaming about vegan leather being plastic, and then chasing me with a sheep demanding I pet it and invest in wool.”</p>
<p>“Didn’t we buy a yarn shop, under that small business program you let me start?”</p>
<p>“Yes, oh fuck, are you going to try to teach me to knit?” Arthur made a face.</p>
<p>“No, I knit, it is way too hard for your idiotic brain.”</p>
<p>“Fuck off,” Arthur crossed his arms. “What is your brilliant idea then?”</p>
<p>“You need weed.”</p>
<p>“Why would I weed a garden in October, Merlin?” Arthur paused. “Merlin, surely you are not suggesting illegal substances?”</p>
<p>“We’re white, Arthur, like John Mulaney said it isn’t really illegal for us.”</p>
<p>“Who?”</p>
<p>“And I know what we are watching while we are high.” Merlin nodded. “I’m out though, not doing it very much these days. Lancelot’s blow jobs mellow even better than a joint. But my weed guy will hook us up.”</p>
<p>“Merlin, I am not sure that is the best response?” Arthur stared at his desk. “Does marijuana actually help you cope with the fact that you are the reason your father is in jail?”</p>
<p>“No, but it helped me cope with the fact that I was the reason my father was dead.”</p>
<p>The first time he had learned that, Arthur had sat there unsure what to do, but now he knew what to do. He hugged Merlin. “I have never partook in such experience Merlin.”</p>
<p>“Everyone has gotten high.”</p>
<p>“I haven’t,” Arthur stepped back and shrugged. “It is a harmful substance, I wouldn’t put that in my body. You know that.”</p>
<p>“Really? It is all natural, you put hemp seeds in those protein shakes you make, not that different.”</p>
<p>“It is very different, but fuck if I know what else to do today.” Arthur cleared his desk. “Now where do we exactly meet a weed guy? Procedural shows suggest they are in dark alleyways equally likely to mug us as give us our…stash? Baggie? You know what, booze. Booze sounds great.”</p>
<p>“Alcohol is a depressant, which you already are, we need to lift you up and I call my text my weed guy, and we stop by his house.”</p>
<p>“Weed guys make enough off of it to have houses? Huh, interesting.”</p>
<p>“Just shut up, and let me handle this. You handle capitalist scum shit, and I handle weed guys.” Merlin was texting and Arthur decided to clean up the office a bit and eventually he was told that they were good to go. They left the building, and Morgana was in the lobby in a party dress and holding a bottle of champagne. </p>
<p>“Hello, fabulous day isn’t it?” she was doing some sort of dance. “Just the best day ever.”</p>
<p>“Oi,” Merlin snapped and Arthur appreciated that his assistant stepped in front of him. As if he could actually take Morgana on and survive. “I get how you feel and would join you in the celebration but Arthur is a bit fucked up about it all.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Morgana tilted her head to look at Arthur, and Arthur wasn’t sure he could believe the sympathy that slid into her eyes. “I hate our father, I’m sorry I can’t not. But I can feel sorry that you are hurting right now.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, and I am sorry that he made it that his going to jail is the happiest day in your life since you learned about girls going down on each other.” Arthur stayed still as she moved over and kissed his cheek. “Go celebrate with Gwen.”</p>
<p>“If you need me -” she hesitated.</p>
<p>“I love you Morgana, but we’d try to murder each other if we spent this particular day together. We’ll have dinner next week.” Arthur kissed her temple, and they went their different directions. “Are we taking my car, or?”</p>
<p>“Public transportation, Arthur,” Merlin said. “His street isn’t car friendly.”</p>
<p>“You want to take certain items on the tube?” </p>
<p>Merlin snorted. “Yes, because we will absolutely be the first people to do that. Come on, I’ve seen people smoke a joint on the tube.”</p>
<p>Arthur shook his head but followed Merlin to the station, and then eventually found himself on one of the weird little dead end streets in Kensington at a perfect normal row house. “Uhh, weed guys live in places like this?”</p>
<p>“Mine does,” Merlin replied, and knocked on the door.</p>
<p>Arthur had perhaps built up the image in his head of what the weed guy would look like and, yes, perhaps it was based on American procedural shows he watched in hotels at 1am and he couldn’t sleep. He thought the person would look a little less like an aged uncle you see on holidays.</p>
<p>“Merlin,” the man said, and pulled Merlin in for a hug. “Been too long boy, too long.”</p>
<p>“Sorry, this one has kept me busy at work,” Merlin was squeezing back, and he was smiling. Relaxed for a moment, and Arthur realized just how much stress Merlin had been carrying - Arthur’s stress from the trial. “And the whole his dad is an awful human being.”</p>
<p>“Yes, I have a couple published papers on Uther Pendragon.”</p>
<p>“You do?”</p>
<p>“He does,” Merlin pulled away, “Gaius teaches at East Anglia, he was my outside reader for my Master’s.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Arthur held out his hand. He looked at the long tunic, the long hair and thought about Merlin’s psych degree. “What program?”</p>
<p>“I mostly teach business ethics,” Gaius replied. “Hence writing about your father.”</p>
<p>“You, business ethics?” He was staring at the clothes that looked like the Beatles era where they were super into India.</p>
<p>“He’s G. C. Hisan.”</p>
<p>Arthur’s eyes widened, “I read three of your books in business school. Your books are the reason that before Merlin, I wasn’t completely like my father.” He stared down at the bare feet, and the toes that were maybe painted. “You. You are one of the most important voices in business ethics in Britain, and you are Merlin’s weed guy?”</p>
<p>“Yes, come in. I’ll make tea.”</p>
<p>Arthur felt faint. And wondered if he could perhaps get a signed copy or two of some books. Bloody hell, G. C. Hisan. The man, a goddamn legend, was chatting with Merlin about having and Lancelot over for vegetarian lasagna sometime soon, and other nonsense. The house was filled with a huge mix of decoration and just the most random things ever. It looked like a hippie house. He snorted when he saw an actual velvet Dark Side of the Moon album cover poster.</p>
<p>In the kitchen he was pointed to a chair and sat. “You were on Merlin’s advisory committee, so are you the reason Merlin is so annoying?”</p>
<p>“Hey!” Merlin kicked him under the table. “I’m the reason you won’t be burning in hell.”</p>
<p>“You don’t believe in hell. You currently are on a reincarnation kick,” Arthur kicked him back.</p>
<p>“Yeah but you do, and I’m keeping you out of it, okay?”</p>
<p>Arthur smiled a bit at that and he heard the kettle whistle. He watched Gauis put a double the amount of tea in the pot that was needed, and at the very least he learned where Merlin had picked up that habit. “I have so many questions for you,” he said.</p>
<p>“Feel free,” Gaius put a tea cozy that looked like an elephant around the pot. “I am sorry for what happened today.”</p>
<p>“You don’t think my father should have been convicted? He was guilty.”</p>
<p>Gauis chuckled a bit, “No he absolutely should have been convicted, but it hurts you and I am sorry for that.”</p>
<p>“You don’t even know me.” Arthur wished he had something to do with his hands and he slid off his wedding ring, and started to play with it. “And well, my father would be everything you rail against in your books.”</p>
<p>“He is. But I’ve followed your career, especially since Merlin went to work with you.”</p>
<p>“For me,” Arthur automatically said and was met with two flat looks. “With me,” he agreed. He kept flipping his ring between his fingers. “I try,” was what he managed to come up with.</p>
<p>“You do, and it is impressive. And the man you are, the man I’ve studied, the man Merlin tells me about, is hurting right now, because not only is he your father and that was a trust betrayed, but he deliberately did business at times in a bad manner, that hurt people. And that appalls you.”</p>
<p>“I used to follow in his footsteps.”</p>
<p>“I used to wear suits. And then I got comfortable with who I was.”</p>
<p>“I’m not quite comfortable yet,” Arthur looked at him. “But I am getting there.”</p>
<p>“Merlin’s told me about it, but I’m intrigued to hear from you about the small business program the two of you started.” This put Arthur on even footing and they talked for hour as they drank tea that was so strong he thought for a moment he could see through time. He wasn’t sure they actually needed the weed with this tea. Gaius asked insightful questions that made Arthur think of his own program in a different way and by the time Merlin cleared his throat, he had a whole new plan for next quarter.</p>
<p>“Could we perhaps bring you in to consult on this?” </p>
<p>“I’d be happy to,” Gaius agreed. “Merlin, you know where what you need is, go collect some.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Merlin disappeared, and came back with a small bag that Gaius then put in a metal tin. “All good. And next Sunday for lasagna?”</p>
<p>“Indeed,” Gaius stood up. “Arthur would you and your husband like to join us?”</p>
<p>“Gwaine would insist on bring something.” Arthur knew that for a fact.</p>
<p>“It would be welcomed. Now toddle along, I need to do a tarot reading to assess if I want to buy any stocks tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“Really?” Arthur looked at him in shock. “Isn’t that a bit risky?”</p>
<p>“Have you seen the market my boy? It is as reasonable as any other method.”</p>
<p>“I have to ask. Back in the day, did you go to a lot of Pink Floyd concerts?”</p>
<p>“Yes, why?”</p>
<p>“No reason. It was an incredible pleasure and honour to meet you, Gaius,” Arthur held out his hand. Gaius held up a ring. “I’m sorry, but as much as I admire your work, I’m already married and we just met.”</p>
<p>“It is your ring,” Gaius said, “You probably don’t want to leave it here.”</p>
<p>“No, I don’t,” Arthur took and slid it on. “I’m not an idiot. It just has been a really shitty day.”</p>
<p>“The strain Merlin took there will make it better. Go home, and relax a bit.”</p>
<p>They left and were quiet. “My place,” Arthur insisted as they reached the station.</p>
<p>“Are you sure, my building the smell of weed will go rather unnoticed,” Merlin pointed out.</p>
<p>“My place, and I don’t have neighbours right now,” Arthur muttered.</p>
<p>“What happened to the people across the way?”</p>
<p>“I bought them out,” Arthur couldn’t quite meet his gaze. “I have a project in mind for the space.”</p>
<p>“What sort of project?” Merlin sounded suspicious which really was the right call, because well this was likely something that would blow up in his face, and Merlin would get to deal with that fallout, but still. He was mostly sure that it was a good idea. Almost sure. Fairly sure.</p>
<p>“Not today,” was all he would admit to. “Please? Just not today.” He received a nod and they were quiet until they reached the flat. Arthur went to the bedroom and changed into sweats and a jersey, because he was not wearing his Burberry to smoke marijuana. “So what do we do?”</p>
<p>“I roll us a joint, and then we smoke it. A few hits only, because you are new and I don’t do it much anymore. We aren’t looking to get to giggles and ‘oh my god I just had the most brilliant idea ever’ place, just looking to get nice and chill.”</p>
<p>“Have you done this a lot?” Arthur watched Merlin’s hands roll the joint easily, competently. “You seem to know what you are doing - for once.” Merlin ignored the jibe and licked the paper, sealed it shut. “Am I to be smoking marijuana or your spit?”</p>
<p>“I have great spit, thank you very much,” Merlin replied. “Lighter?”</p>
<p>“Why would I have a lighter on me?” </p>
<p>“You have to have one in the flat, somewhere. Everyone does. And bet Gwaine cooks you romantic candlelight dinners all the time.”</p>
<p>“Not all the time,” Arthur muttered and went to the kitchen. He had to go through the drawers a bit but then found a stick lighter. Bit bigger than what they needed but hey a lighter was a lighter. “And sometimes I do the romantic dinner. Works with the -” he cleared his throat. “I feel we need to be sitting on the ground for doing this?”</p>
<p>“That’ll just hurt your knees. Sit on you couch. Lord this is what I am using to light this?” Merlin rolled his eyes a bit, and lit the joint. “Right, now you take a drag let it sit in your mouth a bit and then slowly breath out. Honestly if I didn’t find you hideous I’d shotgun you, easiest way your first time.”</p>
<p>“What the fuck does that mean?”</p>
<p>“Kiss you with the smoke in my mouth.”</p>
<p>“Ew, do not, that feels unhygienic.”</p>
<p>“Kissing? Well isn’t your marriage even more boring than I thought. Your husband loves kissing. He kisses me all the time.”</p>
<p>“He kisses everyone all the time. That’s different. And you know what fine, if this is the best way to do this, shotgun me.” Arthur scowled at him. He crossed his arms. “This whole fucking thing is stupid. I vote that I just never deal with this. That sounds great.” He watched Merlin take another hit from the joint, and opened his mouth to complain because he was certain that you were supposed to share, he had seen that on telly and then Merlin’s mouth was pressed against his, and a very odd taste was in his mouth. Also Merlin’s tongue a bit. He pulled back and a fingertip closed his jaw. </p>
<p>“Hold that in for a moment and then breathe out,” Merlin ordered.</p>
<p>Arthur did as Merlin told him, for once, and flopped back into the couch. “That was weird.”</p>
<p>“Try taking a hit,” Merlin suggested, “compare the two.”</p>
<p>Arthur accepted the joint and took a drag, and too much of one and started to cough. “Okay, fine, yes your gross kiss was maybe the best way to do this.” He handed it back and went to the kitchen for a glass of water. He remembered though that Gwaine had some fizzy drink in there. Arthur never drank it, it was bad for you, but still he supposed this was the time to indulge. It was fancy stuff and he brought two bottles back to Merlin. “Orange or Lemon?” he held them up. </p>
<p>“Lemon, thanks,” Merlin was taking another hit. “I think you are probably good.”</p>
<p>“Two is good enough?”</p>
<p>“I mean for you, probably?”</p>
<p>“No that seems like not enough. Another shotgun, please.” That was vastly preferable to doing it himself. There were lips against his again, and he nodded after. “Your kiss isn’t wholly repellent.”</p>
<p>“Yes, that is exactly what Lancelot tells me every time. Merlin, love of my life, your kisses are not wholly repellent.”</p>
<p>Arthur opened the fizzy drink and took a few sips, it was appalling. It was so sweet and sticky. “How does Gwaine like this?”</p>
<p>“How does Gwaine like your weird legs?”</p>
<p>“Point,” Arthur said after a moment. He sat on the couch. “How will I know this has worked?”</p>
<p>“Does your heart still hurt?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Arthur replied.</p>
<p>“When it is a bruise and not an open wound, it will have worked.”</p>
<p>Arthur gave a bit of a nod and they just sat there, in the silence, drinking disgusting fizzy drink. “I don’t care that Gwaine kisses everyone.”</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>“He doesn’t mean anything by it. And this isn’t like some show where the wife is trying to dismiss the husband’s infidelity and looking all sad and stoic and shit. I am not sad and stoic. He likes to smooch people he likes.” Arthur looked at Merlin. “He just likes kissing.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Merlin smiled, “I think he spent too long in Italy. And he never slips any tongue in.”</p>
<p>“Loves kisses, hates any tongue not mine. Now that is fucking romantic right there.” Arthur pointed at Merlin. “Your Lancelot ever that romantic?”</p>
<p>“He recites me poetry in bed.”</p>
<p>Arthur made a face. “That seems gross.”</p>
<p>“Oh my god, it is,” Merlin agreed. “I think it is a weird thing that he did with people in his non profit save the world days? Like there would have been some epic fucking hippies in that group who probably got off on hearing about fucking plums in the icebox. But I get off on fucking him until he passes out, I don’t need a bloody sonnet.”</p>
<p>“You are a fucking hippie.”</p>
<p>“How can you think that? I’m a ethical corporate stooge.”</p>
<p>“You own the Grateful Dead on vinyl. That suggests hippie.”</p>
<p>“Mum had a banging record collection, can’t let it go to waste. I have a Masters in psychology, and a minor in history. I almost had enough business credits to have another minor. But business majors are soulless bastards who are a blight on the world.”</p>
<p>“I was a business major.”</p>
<p>“Yes, I know,” Merlin smiled at him.</p>
<p>Arthur just threw a pillow at him. “So, tell him to lay off the poetry.”</p>
<p>“You tell Gwaine to lay off the hearts he draws on your lunch.”</p>
<p>“It makes him happy, even if I think it is stupid and - oh I got it.” Arthur nodded. “Love, it is a kick in the teeth isn’t it?” He stretched out on the couch a bit and put his feet in Merlin’s lap, and Merlin god bless him didn’t start to rub them. Arthur hated foot rubs. But he rubbed at Arthur’s ankle bone and that felt nice. “I bought the other apartment for him.”</p>
<p>“Wait, is your marriage on the rocks?” Merlin looked horrified. “You two are great together. I am fixing this. I found your soul, I can save your marriage.”</p>
<p>“He and Percival have been talking about starting a youtube channel. About the history of cooking and experimenting with ancient recipes. I bought it to be a studio for them, if they ever want to do it.”</p>
<p>“You bought them a what million dollar flat as a just in case studio,” Merlin blinked. “What the fuck?”</p>
<p>“It was a good investment,” Arthur scowled at him. “They don’t have the space to set up cameras at the kitchen. Just giving them options, and if they don’t want it, I guess like whenever you and Lancelot cohabitate you can move in there. We can spend all day every day together!”</p>
<p>“Why do you hate me so much?”</p>
<p>Arthur’s lip wibbled a bit. “I don’t hate you. Why would you think I hate you?” He sniffled, “you are my best friend, you utter pillock.”</p>
<p>“See the constant insults and firing me would make me think you don’t like me.”</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>“No, I know you love me. Lucky I have a thick skin.”</p>
<p>“Plus you are just as mean to me.”</p>
<p>“You are capitalist scum who is ruining the planet, you deserve a little mean.”</p>
<p>“I’m better, and also you are fucking complicit.”</p>
<p>“I know, it is my great burden to bear.” That hand rubbed at his ankle. “It is absurd and over the top and Gwaine will be mad at you. But then he will be very thankful and appreciative.”</p>
<p>“That was my guess too,” Arthur said. “Merlin?”</p>
<p>“Hmm, why are dads just complete assholes, like the fucking worst?”</p>
<p>“Gwen has a good father.”</p>
<p>“Out of everyone we know, that is all we got?” Arthur rubbed a hand over his stomach. “There should be a dad school.”</p>
<p>“There are parenting classes, I sort of took one once.”</p>
<p>“What why? Oh fuck is there a baby Merlin out there? I wanna play with the baby. I love babies. Let me have your baby, Merlin.”</p>
<p>“I was meant to be taking a first aid, babysitting course. Ended up in the parenting one. They teach you how to stop a kid from choking, not how to actually be a dad. I don’t have a baby. I have been thinking of getting a dog though.”</p>
<p>“No, I’m a dog person, you are a cat person.” Arthur nodded, this was just such an obvious fact to him. </p>
<p>“You are right. Shit, you are what up to being right a solid half dozen times a year that is really getting better.”</p>
<p>“Fuck you,” Arthur flipped him off. “But seriously, best idea ever. You want to be a dad, you have to take several uni courses. A full program on how to be a dad and not inflict trauma and pain on your children.” </p>
<p>“I think most fathers manage to avoid the trauma and pain thing. And a little pain is good for the soul.”</p>
<p>“No it isn’t,” Arthur said. “Pain doesn’t make you stronger, it just makes you pain. Pain, <em>pain</em>,” he said saying the English word for hurt and the French word for bread. “Bread is pain, why I eat so little of it. But it is pain to not eat the<em> pain</em>. Fuck, do you know how little bread I eat?”</p>
<p>“You eat the lunch sandwiches from your husband’s company.”</p>
<p>“Yes, but that is it. And that is all good for you bread. I want American bread. The white squares that are stupid thick and have all that bad stuff in them.” He couldn’t remember what that bread was called. And that made him sad, even more sad than his father going to jail. “What’s the name of that bread?”</p>
<p>“How the fuck would I know the name of American bread, I’ve never even been to the Americas.”</p>
<p>“That sounded weird. ‘The Americas’ and really?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t have any fucking money growing up so there were no vacations there, and been a bit busy with school and shitty jobs and then you.”</p>
<p>“I’m not a shitty job?”</p>
<p>“Nah,” Merlin said after a moment. “You aren’t a shitty job at all.”</p>
<p>Arthur lunged across the couch, and tackled Merlin. “I love you.”</p>
<p>“I love you too,” Merlin agreed, “but uh, you may have broken a rib.”</p>
<p>“You are fine, you are stronger than you look. Carry the weight of the world don’t you? You are Atlas. Fuck, I used to love mythology. Used to want to study it. The myths and stories. I was obsessed with the tales of the heroes and their noble deeds. Also Hades and Persephone. They were amazing. Did you know -” Arthur paused. “I could do that.”</p>
<p>“Do what?”</p>
<p>“Online course or two? In literature or mythology. Like I always wanted, and father said no.” Arthur blinked. “I could, couldn’t I?”</p>
<p>“You could. You are also insanely busy. Maybe get a few books out of the library first?”</p>
<p>“We could do it together! Wouldn’t that be fun.”</p>
<p>“You mean have a book club? Because then we don’t have to hand in any papers, that seems better.”</p>
<p>“Yesssss,” Arthur beamed at him. “Let’s have a book club! With American bread. Fuck, what is the name of that stuff?” He pulled out his phone and texted Gwaine. A few minutes later he smiled. “Texas toast. What I am thinking of is Texas toast. I want bread now.”</p>
<p>“Food would be great. Do you have crisps? Or leftover shitty Chinese?”</p>
<p>“I have good Chinese? Gwaine made us a huge feast of it last weekend, lots of brilliant leftovers.”</p>
<p>“No that will be quality. I don’t want quality. I want a soggy egg roll.” </p>
<p>“No, there is mostly only good food here. OH! He has these shrimp puffs things? You might like them.” Arthur stood and went to the kitchen. He found the bag and gave it to Merlin. He then went on a bread hunt. And of course there was only the ancient whole grain stuff he insisted that he liked when he allowed himself a bit of bread. “Why do I have no pain in my cupboards?” Arthur hoisted himself up and sat on the counter. He looked at his phone and texted his husband <em>why don’t you love me enough to sneak pain <strong>pain</strong> into the kitchen?</em></p>
<p>He looked at Merlin. “I want the pain.”</p>
<p>“Okay, wait. Lancelot was only working this morning! I can text him, get us some bread.” Merlin started typing furiously. “And some general tsos.”</p>
<p>“That isn’t real Chinese food.”</p>
<p>“I know, that is the point. It is rubbish and I want it. It is that or pizza, the worst pizza ever. See, this is why would should have been at my flat - yours only has nice food, mine has what you need at this point in the high stage.”</p>
<p>“We could make bread? We do have the ingredients for that I am sure.” Arthur looked at some of the cupboards. “Probably.”</p>
<p>“No, that is hours of work. And my noble and kind and good boyfriend has been ordered to bring us one of every bread from the grocery store ASAP and I will blow him tonight.”</p>
<p>“That is very thoughtful of you, Merlin.”</p>
<p>“I’m a giver.”</p>
<p>Arthur sat on the counter, drew his knees up so he could hug his legs. “It’s a bruise now.”</p>
<p>“Good.”</p>
<p>“He might have been a good man once. But he wanted to be better than his father. No, not better, just more? The I’ll show you. He always talked about how dreadful the man was, and never saw he was repeating the same mistakes. He didn’t hit me, I suppose that is something.”</p>
<p>“Morgana is almost a psychopath, you are emotionally needy and have an absurd desire to please. He didn’t need to hit you to fuck you up.” Merlin came and sat next to him on the counter, leaned his head on Arthur’s shoulder, and Arthur put an arm around him. “You are a mess, but I’ve gotten you, Gwaine’s gotten you, to the point where you are an average person mess, not the right bastard you were at the start.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.” Arthur closed his eyes. “Merlin?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“I’ve been lying to you for a couple years.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure you have,” Merlin agreed.</p>
<p>“That wellness program that your mother got involved in? That covered the mortgage, found her a job and all that? Gwen made it all up, it was just my money, because you are too damn proud on certain things.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Merlin said. “I forge your name on two thirds of your paperwork, saw a bill three quarters ago.”</p>
<p>“Why didn’t you say anything?”</p>
<p>“Because you are too damn proud sometimes.”</p>
<p>“We are a pair. You know, Gwaine sometimes says that he is happy to be my second husband. I tell him he is wrong. But we are a little bit married, aren’t we?”</p>
<p>“Suppose so. Lancelot has made similar jokes. Guess we just got lucky to find blokes who understand the whatever it is, you and I are.”</p>
<p>“Soulmates,” Arthur nodded solemnly, “You are my soulmate.”</p>
<p>“That’s beautiful.” Merlin kissed his cheek. “I’m happy to the soulmate of a soul sucking scum sucker like you.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Merlin.” They stayed sitting on the counter until the buzzer went off. “Who is that?”</p>
<p>“Bread,” Merlin said and they hurried to the buzzer and let Lancelot on. Arthur was eagerly bouncing up and down and when he opened the door, Lancelot was standing there, three reusable grocery bags full of bread. In that instant, Arthur understood why his husband loved kissing people so much. He threw his arms around Lancelot and gave him a hard kiss. </p>
<p>“You brought me pain.”</p>
<p>“I did?”</p>
<p>“He means <em>pain</em>, first high.”</p>
<p>“You got Arthur Pendragon high. Baby Marx, was that the best idea?” </p>
<p>“Yes, he was dealing with trauma and it was better than anything he would have come up with.” Merlin took a few of the bags. “You want bread too?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Lancelot agreed.</p>
<p>They all went to the kitchen and Arthur looked through the bags. None of it was the particular bread from America he had thought of, but there were plenty of nice choices. He should cut slices or something. Instead he looked at the French loaf and just took a huge bite out of the end. “Fuck, that is better than Gwaine’s cock.” He chewed and ignored the laughter. Because right now it definitely was the best thing he had ever had in his mouth. They sat in the kitchen and ate bread, and slowly Arthur’s head cleared. He didn’t realize how foggy it had been, until the fog lifted.</p>
<p>“We are not doing that again,” he decided. “But it did help. Thank you for bringing all this, Lancelot.”</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>“We are staying,” Merlin said taking one look at him. “You aren’t being left alone.”</p>
<p>“Yes, I am. Gwaine will be home soon, and I need a shower, and to just…breathe.” Arthur reached out and pulled Merlin into a hug. “Staying as a bruise, not turning back into a wound.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure?”</p>
<p>“I am.” He nudged them out the door, even though Merlin tried to dig his heels in a bit. Arthur went and had a shower and a wank in there because it just felt like the right thing to do. When he emerged he put the sweatpants back on, but not the jersey. He went to the kitchen and properly realized how much fucking bread Lancelot had brought them and how he seemed to have just gnawed a corner off of each bit. “Fuck,” he groaned and tried to figure out what to do with it all. He wasn’t sure how to store it all, so he just put it all in a pile on the counter and wiped up the crumbs.</p>
<p>Still no Gwaine though, and no texts from the man either. Arthur went to the home gym and just began to run. He ran until it hurt and then a bit more. He heard the front door open and his name called. He stopped, gasping for breath, and knew he’d be paying for that run later. Arthur felt a cool hand on his back. </p>
<p>“Babe?”</p>
<p>“Thought you’d be home earlier.”</p>
<p>“I had to hit seven different grocery stores.”</p>
<p>“Why?” Arthur straightened and looked at him. “What’s that?”</p>
<p>Gwaine smiled a bit. “Texas toast.” He was holding up a bag, and there it was, square and white and thick. “Your texts were interesting, babe. And not the ones I expected to get today.”</p>
<p>Arthur reached out and touched the bag. “You found me the bread.”</p>
<p>“Of course I did.”</p>
<p>“Gwaine, my father is an awful man and got what was coming to him, and it still fucking hurts. Merlin made it better with cannabis, but it still fucking hurts.” </p>
<p>“Well that definitely explains the texts,” Gwaine held out the hand not holding the bread, “do you trust me?”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Arthur swore.</p>
<p>“Come on then.” </p>
<p>They went to the kitchen and Gwaine just snorted at all the bread on the counter. There was a grocery bag but Arthur couldn’t see inside it. “Close your eyes, Princess, while I cook you what you need.”</p>
<p>“I could wait in the other room.”</p>
<p>“No, I want to see you. Just close them. Listen, smell.”</p>
<p>Arthur could hear cutting and a pan being put on the stove. He wondered if the bread was being turned into French toast. That would actually be nice. Thought he needed some protein too at some point today. “Merlin kissed me,” he blurted out. He didn’t expect to say that but he did. He would have later, but mentioning that let him put off the talk about his father moment.</p>
<p>There was silence.</p>
<p>Fuck, he had ruined his marriage and then he heard a sizzle, that meant something had gone in the pan.</p>
<p>“Shotgunned you?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Arthur agreed.</p>
<p>“Cool.” It was starting to smell interesting, but Arthur couldn’t say if it was good interesting. “Best way for someone new to weed. Well, the fun way. Edibles are also a not bad place to start.”</p>
<p>“I doubt I will find out. It was fine, it did calm me, but eh?” He breathed in, “What the fuck are you cooking?”</p>
<p>“An American…classic. It will go well with the having been high.”</p>
<p>“Not anymore,” Arthur pointed out. </p>
<p>“Principle of it. I would have made you and Merlin excellent munchies food if I had been here.”</p>
<p>“Are you mad I didn’t call you to take care of me?” </p>
<p>“Why would I be? You had Merlin, and I am betting you were very determined not to mess with the job we had today?”</p>
<p>“It was important to you.”</p>
<p>“I know. And that meant it was important to you.” Arthur could hear a plate being pulled down, and then it was put in front of him. “Here you go.”</p>
<p>Arthur stared at it. “What the fuck is it?”</p>
<p>“Probably best if you eat it, and then I tell you.”</p>
<p>“It has banana?”</p>
<p>“Just take a bite, Arthur.” </p>
<p>Arthur brought it up and took a good sized bite because Gwaine had made it for him, after going to seven different grocery stores just to find the closest he could in Britain to American Texas toast. He chewed and swallowed. “That is disgusting.” He took another bite, because disgusting felt perfect at the moment. “Seriously, this is going to kill me isn’t it?”</p>
<p>“Probably. The Elvis. Peanut butter - and not your all natural stuff the loaded with sugar stuff - banana, white bread, all fried up. Lots of butter on that bread.”</p>
<p>“Fucking hell, Gwaine, there are less painful ways to kill me for my money.” But Arthur found himself still eating because it was disgusting and the best thing he had ever had at the same time. “Provided I don’t die tonight from eating this. Will you make it again. Like in a year or two?”</p>
<p>“Of course.” Gwaine started to fuss with all the other bread sitting around, storing some, cutting up others. Arthur watched him work, finding it more soothing, calming the pain inside him more than anything else had done that day. Gwaine eventually turned and looked at him. “I’m going to say one thing and after that you can talk to me as much or as little as you need.” Arthur gave a small nod of agreement. “The only thing I’m to ask, no I’m not asking, I’m telling you this Arthur, is that you never go to see him alone. No sneaking out, no trying to hide it. When you eventually decide to visit him in prison you tell me. And if he agrees to it, I go with you. This is not up for negotiation, and you cause us a lot of fucking problems if you try to get around it. Understand?”</p>
<p>His husband knew him too well. It was really fucking annoying. “I do,” Arthur swore. “You’ve done weed I presume?”</p>
<p>“Babe, easier to count what I haven’t done, than what I have.” Gwaine hopped up on the counter. “My twenties were a fucking mess.”</p>
<p>“I know.” Gwaine occasionally let things slip, made off hand comments that suggested from eighteen to twenty four he had made a lot of questionable choices. He had mostly not asked too many questions, even though for months he had been desperate to know the story that went along with <em>'just trust me if you end up in Cyprus with only a spare sock and a condom to your name, off the cab driver the sock not the condom.'</em></p>
<p>“You really don’t,” Gwaine replied. “One day I can tell you about it, if you want.”</p>
<p>Arthur nodded. “We’re married, I should know everything about you, shouldn’t I?”</p>
<p>“Do I know everything about you? Your first few deals your brokered for the company, you want to tell me about those?” Arthur paled and shook his head quickly. “We both have things we aren’t proud of Princess, that we’d rather not share with the person who thinks the best of us. We know enough for today, and we’ll know more tomorrow, just like we know more than we did yesterday.”</p>
<p>“Do you like weed?”</p>
<p>“Eh, was never my favourite to be honest. Was fine in a group, but I leaned more towards hard uppers.”</p>
<p>Arthur nodded. “Thank you for finding the bread.”</p>
<p>“Need to talk?”</p>
<p>Arthur thought about it. “Not tonight.”</p>
<p>“Sure. Let’s go watch some telly.”</p>
<p>He loved that Gwaine understood. Merlin god bless him, would have wanted Arthur to get it all out, but Gwaine understood that sometimes Arthur just reached his limit and couldn’t. Merlin was his soulmate, that wasn’t just the high talking, but Gwaine got him down deep. “I love you.”</p>
<p>“Course you do, I just changed your whole world view with one sandwich.” Gwaine gave him a hug and a kiss. “How can you not love that?”</p>
<p>“No fucking clue.”</p>
<p>They snuggled on the couch, and he wasn’t sure how much time had passed before he said, “it hurt today because I was glad he was in jail. That I was the reason he was there.”</p>
<p>“He is the reason he is there,” Gwaine squeezed his hand. </p>
<p>“I know.” Arthur looked at their fingers. Gwaine never wore his wedding band unless they were going out for a special occasion. He ran his finger over that bare skin. His father hadn’t worn his wedding band but that was about how little in the end Arthur’s mother mattered to him. Gwaine didn’t wear it because he hated it getting dirty with all the work he did. But it was around his neck, with his father’s band. “Got to meet someone today. Merlin’s weed guy.”</p>
<p>“You met Gaius?”</p>
<p>“I did,” Arthur smiled. “Want to hear about it?”</p>
<p>“If that is what you want to tell me, absolutely.”</p>
<p>“It is, it is a lot more interesting than anything else that happened today.” Arthur felt one more band of control that Uther had in his mind snap away. “It was fucking brilliant, Gwaine.”</p>
<p>“Share,” Gwaine encouraged and Arthur eagerly did so.</p>
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